Marriage: 27 Adab for a Blessed Nikah

Marriage is something Allah prescribed and loves, made the way of His messengers, and bestowed upon His servants as tranquillity, affection, and mercy. And for whoever intends to marry there is a set of adab that make the marriage blessed from the very first step.

Allah made this repose and love among the signs of the marriage covenant:

The adab begin with the heart and the choice, for the first is a sincere intention and the foundation is religion and character:

1. A sincere intention. Intend chastity for yourself and your family, righteous offspring, and reward in what you spend.
2. Do not proceed unless able. Whoever cannot yet marry, materially or physically, should be patient and guard himself with fasting until he can.
3. A bondsman with his master's leave. A bondsman does not marry without his master's permission, a ruling of the law of bondage noted in its place.
4. Hasten marriage. For one who longs for it and is able, protecting the self from temptation.
5. Avoid forbidden marriages. Such as marrying one who is unlawful, or the shighar exchange, and all the law forbids.
6. Avoid marrying into families of grave faults. Such as unbearable stinginess or jealousy, to ward off later trouble.
7. Choose religion and character. They are the root of happiness, and all else follows them.
8. Consider compatibility (kafa'ah). Religion and character first, then it is good to weigh social, educational, and age factors.
9. Offering a woman to a righteous man. There is no blame in a man offering his kinswoman to one of religion and character, as Umar did.
10. Seek the one likely to bear children. Offspring is a purpose of marriage.
11. Preferring a virgin. Not obligatory but often preferable, though a previously married woman may suit better in some cases.

Urging the one who is able to marry, the Prophet ﷺ said:

The greatest thing sought in a life partner is religion and character; all else is subordinate to them:

And just as the man seeks the one of religion, the woman's guardian should seek for her a husband of religion and noble character, giving that priority over wealth, lineage, and beauty, for one in whom Allah is feared is worthier of her than any man of wealth without faith.

The adab then move to the betrothal and the marriage contract:

1. Do not propose over a brother's proposal. Once the parties have inclined to one another, another should not propose until he permits or withdraws.
2. Seeing the betrothed before the contract. A confirmed sunnah, more conducive to acceptance and lasting companionship.
3. Proposing through the guardian (wali). A woman is asked of her guardian, for there is no marriage without a wali.
4. Seeking the bride's consent. She is not compelled to one she dislikes; the consent of a previously married woman is her speech, and of a virgin her silence.
5. Permissible conditions. Conditions that make nothing forbidden lawful, nor the lawful forbidden, are allowed and must be honoured.
6. A woman must not ask for her sister's divorce. She must not require the first wife's divorce to have him to herself, for she will have only what is decreed for her.
7. Ease the dowry and costs. The best dowry is the easiest; exorbitance is a cause of delayed marriage and spinsterhood.
8. Facilitate marriage for those who wish it. When two are compatible, the sunnah is to help marry them, not to stand between them.
9. No pessimism about certain days. There is no basis for ill omen in a month or a day; one may marry at any time.

The adab close with what befits the day of joy and the new home:

1. Announce the marriage. So that it is known and distinguished from secrecy and doubt.
2. Show permissible joy. With the duff and wholesome singing to bring delight, far from forbidden music and mixing.
3. The wedding feast (walimah). Host it within your means, even with a single sheep, observing the adab of the feast in its own chapter.
4. Supplicate for the couple. With blessing and good, as the Prophet ﷺ guided.
5. Gifting the couple. A gift has a fine effect and real benefit for the new home.
6. Ask Allah for the good of the bride. With the reported supplication upon entering, seeking refuge from harm and asking for good.
7. Staying seven nights with a virgin, three with a previously married wife. Out of fairness and honour, from the Prophet's guidance ﷺ.

On the feast, the Prophet ﷺ said to one who married:

In sum, a marriage whose people observe its adab from the first proposal is a blessed marriage in which they live in good. Among the loveliest of these adab is announcing the joy and honouring those you love with a gracious invitation that shares your delight.

In invi2 you craft your wedding or engagement invitation as an elegant living card, reach your family and loved ones through a single WhatsApp link, and every guest confirms attendance with a touch, without ever signing in; so you announce your joy and honour your guests as Allah loves.